Is it normal to want space in a relationship

So why is space so important in a relationship? John Aiken, a relationship psychologist and author agrees: "Couples need space in a relationship so they don't suffocate each other. Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps a freshness in their relationship. It encourages each person to maintain their own sense of identity while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess. One of the key factors that can influence your need for space in a relationship is your attachment style, he explains.

If they were consistently warm and nurturing towards you, then you have a 'secure attachment' and you can generally cope with being together and being apart from you partner. If on the other hand, you were raised with parents that were either anxious or rejecting, then this will mean you can have problems with being too clingy or needing space from your partner. In the end, how well you attach to your parents as an infant will influence how much space you need with your romantic partners as you move through life.

Orbuch believes that while both sexes need space and time for themselves in a relationship women are less likely to get it.

Even if women have jobs outside the home, they are typically more likely to be caring for children, parents, friends, and others in the family. Women are more relationship oriented and they are more likely to have more friends than men, and often are the ones planning or organising the social activities for the couple". She says that some couples pursue separate hobbies or engage in different sports or athletic events while others recommend space to go out with friends, family members, join clubs, participate in classes or go to lectures or workshops.

If you are feeling the strain of not having enough 'me time' but don't know how to fit it into a busy schedule, Orbuch says you can still find space and time for yourself in the same house. Recognise that when you have space and time for self you can learn a new hobby or interest. Then reconvene later on once the air has cleared. If your partner needs space and doesn't realize it — or doesn't possess the communication skills necessary to ask for it — they might start pushing you away with anger or by picking fights for no reason, Winter says.

Winter suggests taking this as your cue to back off, but not without calling them out first. Ask your partner if they're OK, and talk about why you think they've been argumentative.

By addressing the issue head-on you'll create an open dialogue, as well as a safe space to air grievances. From there, talk about how much space you both need in the relationship in order for it to feel balanced. If your partner doesn't seem to have an opinion, Dr.

Jill Murray , a licensed psychotherapist, tells Bustle, it's a sign they've gotten too used to relying on you and need to re-learn how to stand on their own two feet. Start off by encouraging them to make small decisions, like being the one to choose where to eat lunch, or where to go for coffee. This will not only take the pressure off of you as the sole decision-maker, it'll also remind them how to be their own person.

In a similar vein, your partner might need more space if they've completely assumed your personality and are now copying your every move.

Kim Chronister , a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. So go ahead and push them a bit. While it's great to enjoy certain hobbies together, it's equally important to have your own lives outside the relationship. By subtly steering them towards their own hobbies and friends, you'll both retain your individuality — and have more space.

Take it as a sign if your partner turns away from you in bed, sits curled up on the far end of the couch, or doesn't kiss or hug you back. While there might be a deeper underlying reason, it might also mean they're a little burnt out and need some space.

Go to the gym. Remove yourself from [the] space. When you return you'll see a change in their mood for the better. In addition to going along with everything you say, another sign that your partner needs space is if they're codependent. Are they unable anything without your approval?

Constantly checking in? Attached to your hip? These are all clues, Chronister says. According to Chronister, it all comes back to encouraging your partner to branch out and discover themselves. That might mean supporting them in a decision to attend therapy, suggesting they see friends more often, or asking them to make more decisions. If your partner is getting up earlier than usual, or going to bed later, it may be their way of creating a little extra time for themselves.

This is especially true if they typically work long hours and spend a lot of time with you. Recognize the reason for their changing schedule and honor the time they've carved out for themselves. If they're, say, staying up late with a book, kiss them on the head and go to bed.

Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style:. Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value. Each relationship can teach us something about ourselves, another person, and what we want and need in a future partner. It's a chance for us to learn to care about another person and to experience being cared about. A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It's not easy.

But it's a chance to do your best to respect another person's feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations. Reviewed by: KidsHealth Medical Experts. Larger text size Large text size Regular text size. When Relationships End In the beginning, it's exciting.

The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else Nothing stays new forever, though. Avoid It? Or Get it Over With? P Break-up Do's and Don'ts Every situation is different. DO: Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you.

You just need to do it in a sensitive way. Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised?

Or even relieved? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare.

Do you think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction? Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring.

Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest. Say it in person.